Last day of school part two.

Today was painful.

When the bell rang after lunch the girls crowded around, handing back jumpropes and smiling. I felt the tears well up as I told them I was glad I made it in time for one more round of rope. The girls looked at me, confused. My heart plumpeted into my toes. They had no idea I was leaving so soon. The next forty minutes were tourture. I sat and and stared at the gate, too unfocused to be of any use. My foot tapped nervously at the floor. Every few minutes my eyes would dart to the clock, counting down the millaseconds until I had to say goodbye. Suzan watched me with alarm. "I have never seen you upset before." I gave her a tight smile. "I'll get over it."
The bell rang. My stomach flipped over. I stood and went to stand next to Vijaya as the kids filed passed her. Sue was standing at the head of the line by the gate, saying goodbye. The kids beemed and shook my hand or waved as they passed. Most of them still didn't know. I got through the first ten ok. Then Padma came over and asked if I was coming tomorrow. I shook my head and her jaw hit the floor. She started telling the kids as they walked by. The single file line haulted and the kids turned to stare at me. Suddenly I was surrounded. The kids grabbed at my hands and waist. "Bye Mam! I'll miss you Mam! Please come back soon Mam." I shook as many hands as I could. Said goodbye to every face in front of me. Two of my girls walked by, Uma and Shreeja. They both had tears in they eyes. I lost it. My eyes were already brimming with tears. One blink and the tears started falling fast. Vijaya wound her fingers through mine, Padma put her arm around me. With my free hand I gave awkward one armed hugs and hand shakes. Finally, it was over. Or so I thought.
Teacher training lasted two hours. I couldn't tell you what we talked about. I was dreading saying goodbye to the teachers. If saying farewell to the kids had been bad, this was going to be worse. I saw Uma and Shreeja lurking on the playground. Just before the training ended Sue turned to me, asked if I wanted to say anything to the teachers. I shook my head, my eyes welling up again. After some encouraging head nodds I thanked the teachers for letting me be apart of their school, told them how pleased I was with their comitment to the kids. Blah blah blah. I was babbling, bitting back the tears. As I sat there and choked back sobs, each teacher stood up and said something to me. "Thank you for teaching us A-Z. Thank you for being such a sweet person. Thank you for loving our children. Thank you for coming here." I dont need to tell you this did nothing for the tears. We all stood up, preparing to exit stage left. I wipped my eyes and saw the teachers coming at me. I turned and started stacking chairs. After two I was forced to turn around. The teachers had me surrounded. Sue was saying goodbye to the Aayas. Srinivous, Ravinder, and Soloman stepped forward first. They all shook hands with me and thanked me. One by one the other teachers stepped forward to hug me. I stopped fighting and let the tears run free. I said goodbye to each of the teachers. We stood and talked for a few minutes and I regained my composure. One by one they drifted away to say goodbye to Sue. I glanced to my right and saw Uma and Shreeja. Uma's eyes were full of tears. As I looked at her, a big tear rolled down her cheeck. Startled, I pulled her to me and she started weeping. Sobs clawed at my throat but I pushed them away. I looked up at Shreeja, she too was crying. I held out my other arm for her and she burried her head in my shoulder. They both pleaded with me not to go. I towed them to a bench and sat down with them. I took a piece of paper and started writing down the jump rope rhymes I had taught them. By the time I had finished they had stopped crying. "Don't forget us Mam." Shreeja said. I told her I couldn't even if I tried. The two of them stared up at me and it suddenly dawned on me. These girls were looking up at me like I was the greatest thing since sliced bread and wrapped in a halo of light. I had the chance to make an impact on these girls lives. Quick. You have thirty seconds to give these girls 21 years worth of advice and wisdome. What do you say?
"Promise me something."My voice broke on the last word. "Anything Mam." Uma said. Her voice was steady and she looked me straight in the eye. I swallowed. "Work hard in school. Come to school every day and work as hard as you can. Uma. What do you want to be when you grow up?" A doctor was the reply. I looked at Shreeja. I could see the gears clicking behind her eyes. "A teacher." She whispered. I hugged both girls tightly to me.


I'm sorry for over sharing. It's a bit over the top but this day has been seered into my memory forever. I've tried to steer clear of all the raw emotions being in India brings. There is so much pain. To see people living in conditions we think of a unlivable. To hear stories about woman whos husbands beat them until blood gushes from their ears. To know breakfast and lunch at school are the only meals a child can count on. I wish I was strong enough to write about all this. Presently I am not, but I have all the nitty gritty saved up in a vault in my head. Waiting for the day when I am brave enough to unleash it.
I wont ever forget the 6 weeks I have spent here. It has been one of the most rewarding times in my life thus far. The things I have learned about the world and about myself are priceless.